Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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