Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
