We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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