youre lurking in front of me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
