You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
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You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
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i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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