Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
