So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
