I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
