This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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