i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
