lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
