so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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