This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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