It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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