I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
