I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
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No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
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If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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