Hey man sorry I got all grabby
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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