Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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