I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
