Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
