I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
