Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
