I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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