Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
