My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
