I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
