Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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