birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
