gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
