Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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