All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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