There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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