So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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