idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
