I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
