: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
