I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
