Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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