My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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