so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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