im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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