at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we're making bets on your personal life
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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