I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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