oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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