Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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