I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize