i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
