This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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