So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize