In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
