LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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