I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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