i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
