fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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