you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
