his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
