i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.