overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She bit a glass in half.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green