Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.