So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.