Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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