since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
