i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
