dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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