I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
