Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
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you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We have so much sex to catch up on
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We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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