I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
