Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
