just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
