i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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