We won't sleep together?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
