the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Randomize
