dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
