did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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