dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
