he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
