Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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