whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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