Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
