if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
