I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
